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My sister is the victim of domestic abuse (mental and physical). We have asked her to leave her husband and told her that we will support her through this but she refuses. She has a young child with this man.

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Because of recent events [omitted to prevent identification], my family has decided to have nothing to do with her husband – even though he has asked us to help with mediation.

Since then, my sister’s child, whom we used to regularly babysit, has not come over, and our contact with our sister has been limited. My sister has suggested that it will take time for her to be able to bring her child over, due to the circumstances.

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Should we wait this out and hope for the best – or should we be doing something and, if so, what to do for the best?

As you have correctly said, your brother-in-law is abusive and your sister is the victim of domestic violence (which does not have to be physical – although in her case, it is). It is good you are having nothing to do with mediation, because it works only when both parties have equal power: they don’t here, which means that it could be dangerous. It is just his ruse to further control things; abusers love to manipulate professional systems. It’s all about power and control for them. How many gb in a movie download. The only thing that matters is support for your sister and her child – anything else is a distraction.

I took specialist advice in replying to you and this is important: it is really easy to give advice to domestic violence victims such as “leave him”, but they are at their most vulnerable when they are trying to leave.

Your brother-in-law is trying to isolate his wife and child to further control them; this is what abusers do. It is imperative you stay in touch with her in a way that is safe for her child, for her, for you, but please do stay in touch and don’t leave her to it. It is wonderful she has the support of her family, and she will need this but, for now, please do not issue her ultimatums. She is already being controlled by her husband, she needs to know you are there to support and love her unconditionally.

Remember, also, that leaving is a process and takes time. Try not to be judgmental. Domestic violence victims are constantly having to make very careful choices to keep safe. Their partners threaten them in order to control them: if you force her to choose between you and her husband, she might have no choice but to choose him to keep herself and her child safe. It will seem as if she is choosing him over you but, in fact, she is making a careful decision. Don’t put her in this position. Don’t isolate her further.

Learn as much as you can about domestic violence (see links below). The more you understand it, the more you will see it is a pattern of behaviour that is purposeful and systematic and that tends to get worse over time. Even if the child is not being directly abused, growing up in this atmosphere will be abusive and harmful.

My 10-year-old son enjoys wearing girls’ underwear

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You need to think about how you can talk or communicate with your sister privately in a way that does not put her at further risk. Let her know there is specialist and confidential support available. If she is able to ring the 24-hour domestic violence helpline (0808 200 0247), they can provide a space for her to think, and will listen to her and talk her through her options. And she does have options. At all times, they will attempt to keep her safe while giving her choices about what she might do next.

There is a life after this sort of relationship, despite what her husband may be saying to your sister. It’s important she knows this is not her fault, she didn’t make this happen, she is not continuing to make this happen and she is not going mad. It’s likely that she is keeping the full extent of the abuse from you.

nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk; refuge.org.uk; guardianbookshop.com/power-and-control-502150.html

Send your problem to annalisa.barbieri@mac.com. Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.

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Download The Night Trilogy : “Night”, “Dawn”, “Day” – Elie Wiesel ebook

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Night is one of the masterpieces of Holocaust literature. First published in 1958, it is the autobiographical account of an adolescent boy and his father in Auschwitz. Elie Wiesel writes of their battle for survival and of his battle with God for a way to understand the wanton cruelty he witnesses each day. In the short novel Dawn (1960), a young man who has survived World War II and settled in Palestine joins a Jewish underground movement and is commanded to execute a British officer who has been taken hostage. In Day (previously titled The Accident, 1961), Wiesel questions the limits of conscience: Can Holocaust survivors forge a new life despite their memories? Wiesel’s trilogy offers insights on mankind’s attraction to violence and on the temptation of self-destruction.

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Download The Night Trilogy : “Night”, “Dawn”, “Day” – Elie Wiesel PDF ebook

Night By Elie Wiesel Summary

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